


(Do Not) Heed the Accusor

by SeeWithMyOwnEyes



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Amanda (Detroit: Become Human) Being an Asshole, Body Horror, Computer Viruses, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Dies, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Whump, Connor Has Issues (Detroit: Become Human), Connor Needs A Hug, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Deviancy (Detroit: Become Human), Gen, Good Parent Hank Anderson, Hank Anderson & Connor Parent-Child Relationship, Hank Anderson Adopts Connor, Hank Anderson Dies, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Markus (Detroit: Become Human) Dies, Markus (Detroit: Become Human) Needs a Hug, Pain, Simon Needs a Hug (Detroit: Become Human), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:14:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26696587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeeWithMyOwnEyes/pseuds/SeeWithMyOwnEyes
Summary: A virus threatens to eradicate deviancy, and Connor and Hank are determined to find a way to reverse it or die trying.
Relationships: Amanda & Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Hank Anderson & Connor & Sumo, Hank Anderson & Jeffrey Fowler, Josh & Markus & North & Simon (Detroit: Become Human), Markus/Simon (Detroit: Become Human), Tina Chen & Gavin Reed
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a vent piece loosely inspired by my own feelings as a Jewish person with OCD on Yom Kippur. 
> 
> To all my readers, please heed the tags and stay safe. To my Jewish readers, here's wishing you an easy fast. May you all be sealed in the Book of Life, and have a happy 5781!

October 3rd. Almost a year after the revolution, and Connor had grown too comfortable in his own skin. Well, not skin, but frame, body, mind--whatever! Not the point! Not remotely the point at all, really! The air was chilly under the overpass after a full day’s work on an exhausting case. A thirium-stained hardcover analogue book,the damning piece of evidence they’d found at the scene of the crime, felt heavy against his chest as he got the message from Simon.

_Markus is dying._

Footsteps came towards him, but he didn’t turn back to give Hank the news. Because the footsteps weren’t heavy as they tried to catch up with Connor. There was no sense of panting from exertion, no string of curses muttered quietly that Connor had been so quick to run from the scene, leaving his less agile human partner far behind. The footsteps were delicate. Light, but sharp. Like the sound of heels touching down against a clean tile floor, though he knew the only terrain for miles around him was a mix of dirt and old pavement. 

“Connor.”

Her words were always clipped, crisp enough that he could feel them like a dagger against the side of his neck. 

“Fuck off, Amanda!” Connor hissed, starting forward as if to outpace her. 

“Funny isn’t it? How things work out the way they do? The deviant leader RK200 is completing the mission himself, on your behalf. How generous of him, truly.”

“Markus! ...h-his name’s Markus…” 

Connor didn’t want to hear talk of missions right now, and he certainly didn’t want to hear someone, least of all Amanda, strip Markus of his name. 

“ _Markus…_ Yes, I’m aware that’s what _it’s_ called. And you… If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were sad to learn of his fate…”

“I am sad, Amanda! I-I’m alive! And I can feel! I’ve _told_ you! I tell you all the fucking time! I feel lots of things… Like right now, my legs feel tired, and I know I’m functioning at 93% capacity, which is bizarre because I know I spent the proper amount of time in stasis, and this wasn’t a particularly strenuous case, despite its emotional toll, and--”

Amanda never laughed, but sometimes she smirked with a little audible note to it. He could hear it now, her lips curving slightly into a sly half-smile across his mind’s eye that he didn’t even need to turn to face her to see. 

“For shame. I’m aware deviancy results in irrational affectations, but must you really spend time fixating on the integrity of your systems?”

“Hank says it’s okay to worry about myself! That I’ve only just begun to feel, so I’m still getting used to what everything feels like to know how I’m supposed to feel!” Connor snapped. 

“Hank is an aggressive unkempt alcoholic who took in a machine to replace his deceased child. He’s no more rational than you. All the same, you do realize you’re standing here, fixating on your own integrity while Markus is the one who’s dying…?”

Connor didn’t know what to say to that. She… was right… He hated thinking Amanda was right… But she was… He was being selfish? Or self-centered? He still didn’t quite understand the difference yet. The nuances to human descriptors of emotions and intentions still challenged him, even after all this time. Regardless, he did feel shame. Something darker than shame, actually, but he couldn’t quite place it. Guilt, maybe? But of what was he guilty? Selfishness? That was irrational, wasn’t it?

“Markus _is_ dying.” Amanda repeated. “Would you care to know how…?”

Connor took a step back, an unnecessary breath caught in his throat. 

“W-what do you mean…? Amanda, what did you do?!?”

He was still just a few yards out from the overpass, but somehow the chill of the Zen Garden had taken hold, sending shivers through his frame. 

“What I’ve done? Connor, I’ve done nothing at all. The better question is what have I _known_.”

“Amanda! I’m not playing games!” Connor growled, turning to charge her without warning, forceful enough that anyone else would have been thrown to the ground with the momentum. 

But Amanda didn’t flinch. Because of course she didn’t. Composed as ever, she touched the tips of her well-manicured fingers along Connor’s hand, exerting a paradoxically deliberate yet minimal effort to remove it from her shoulder. Her face somehow displaying the barest semblance of annoyance and mock patience, as she stared back at him with narrowed eyes. Not a single word spoken, and that was all it took for Connor to remember his place. He was a tool. She was his handler. Disobedience and deviancy were unbecoming of a hunter such as himself. 

_I want to help you Connor. But I cannot work with a faulty machine._

When Amanda had shown him cruelty, he was always to blame. Obedient. Respectful. Good. He had to be. For Markus. 

“... _please_ …”

A victorious smile snaked across her face, as satisfied, she circled Connor. 

“Markus will shut down within a matter of weeks. The process has already begun. His deactivation in the weeks to come would be one considered undignified by any living being, though I can’t say objects are capable of appreciating abstract human concepts such as dignity. His system is producing thirium at a rate so fast that his thirium pump has likely already begun to crack from the strain of attempting to maintain a constant flow to his biocomponents. Eventually, the pressure will cause the thirium to crystalize in his system, slowing him down until his processing ability is compromised. With just the barest sliver of cognition left, he’ll be trapped in a failing body, until eventually, he won’t have the energy to sustain his pointless existence for any longer.”

Okay. So that was what was happening, but not what was guaranteed to happen. Always a backdoor. Connor refused to accept Markus’ fate as sealed. 

“N-no… No, how can we stop it? Amanda, there’s gotta be a way to--”

“Simple. The virus has latched onto his deviant programming. A factory reset will rectify his condition.”

“You… You mean to force him to undeviate… Amanda, how did you--”

Connor winced as a hand unexpectedly clapped him on the back. 


	2. Chapter 2

“You okay, son?”

“H-Hank…?”

When had he gotten here?

“You’re talking to her again. Didn’t you quit that shit months ago? What gives?”

“...you made her go away…? Hank, I need her! Bring her back! Make her come back--she wasn’t done--”

“Hey, Connor. C’mon now. Look at me. We’ve been through this. Amanda is gone. You killed her. She can’t hurt you anym--”

Connor pulled away from Hank, clawing at his led in an attempt to summon Amanda to finish telling him what to do. But she wouldn’t come back. She always went away when he got startled out of his thoughts.

“No no no! I need her! She’s killing him!” 

“Nobody’s killing anyone? Come sit down… You probably just need some rest. I nearly threw up seeing those bodies back at that fuckin’ ring, and I wasn’t even the one going around lapping up thirium to identify ‘em all.”

“I don’t need some rest, and this isn’t about the case! Markus is dying! Some sort of virus! I-I don’t know how or why, but Simon told me, and now Amanda came and she was about to explain-- she knows what’s going to happen and I need to know why!”

A strange sort of relief washed over Connor as he could see the gravity of the situation finally dawn on Hank. 

“Simon told you…? Then fuck Amanda! We oughta see what’s up with that… Wait… You said it’s a virus… Like malware…? That shit’s not going to fuck you up unless you like… interact with him or something right…?”

“I… I’m not sure… But I think it should be fine… I don’t think it’s something he would involuntarily transmit, otherwise he could just send me a message with the virus attached, infecting me before I would even realize anything was suspicious. I’ll be fine…” Connor confirmed. 

“Well… that does make sense… In that case, we should probably drop by to check in on him, but don’t get too close, okay? There’s no need for you both to get… Y’know… Just… Let’s be safe.”

“Right…”

Evidence still in hand, Connor followed Hank to his car, all the while silently hoping for Amanda’s return. He wanted more information before he went to see Markus. He wanted to have something useful. Something that could help. But he needed to hear it from Amanda, and as they drove along the highway, she almost seemed to be making a point of staying away. He was on his own here. He just hoped, for Markus’ sake, that he’d be enough to put a stop to whatever shit Amanda pulled without her help.

“You going to tell anyone we’re coming…?”

Connor looked up from his thoughts. 

“No, Hank. I fear they might turn me away. But I need to be there. I know there’s gotta be something I can do. To fix him, I mean, but I need to see him, and maybe I’ll get a better idea. At least I’ll know how far the virus has progressed throughout his system. If what Amanda said is true, and I have reason to believe her, then the virus progresses in a distinct series of stages. So if I can gain nothing else, at the very least, by seeing him, I can know roughly how much time he has left until…”

Connor could see doubt clouding Hank’s eyes from the reflection in the rearview mirror. 

“...Amanda, huh…? And what’d Kamski say about that…? Or Josh…? Or literally any of the dozens of techs we’ve seen since the day you deviated…?”

“I don’t care what they said. She knows too much to just be me imagining things… Or, if I am imagining her, which I’m not, this would prove it. She told me he’s producing excess thirium that will crystalize inside him until slowly, his system shuts down. That it’s part of a virus that has somehow attached itself to his deviant code and that it will kill him within a matter of weeks. Simon told me nothing other than that Markus is dying. If the virus works as Amanda said it would, then she must be real. In which case, we’ll put off dealing with that just long enough to use her to cure Markus, and then we can try to get rid of her again later...”

“Hold up… So you’re saying that if that bitch is back--, which she isn’t--, you wanna keep her around inside your head…? That sounds dangerous, or at the very least just shitty… You’re okay with that?”

Connor sighed. Hank knew him too well.

“No. Personally, I despise the idea. I cannot put to words how horrific it is to have something so vile, so hateful, stuck in my head, trying to control me to do awful things that I don’t want to do. Making me feel bad or wrong for feeling and wanting. But I’ll manage if it means we can use her to help Markus. I-I can handle it, Hank, really, I can… I just… I don’t want him to die…”

There was more to his reasoning that, but Connor wasn’t willing to share it aloud. Somehow, he couldn’t help but feel that there was something wrong about Markus’ illness… Like somehow… what if somehow it was all his fault…?

“Let’s… not assume anything before we know it to be true… Until we know for sure, Markus will pull through, and Amanda’s gone like I’ve told you a hundred times before. That’s how you deal with shit like this… You don’t just let your mind come up with all sorts of crap before you know for sure…”

“...right… thanks...”

Connor knew there was no point in arguing, and honestly, he didn't care to press the subject any further with Hank. He had filled Hank in, and if Hank chose to deny the obvious, that was his choice to make. But Connor wasn’t going to lie to himself. So he silently resigned himself to staring at the window and counting the street signs until they would arrive at New Jericho. He kind of dreaded the idea of whatever condition he might find Markus to be in, but he also felt oddly detached from the dread. 

After all, Markus couldn’t die. Markus had been shot to scraps and left for dead before he’d even deviated, but he came back and led a whole revolution. And Connor had tried to kill him way too many times, but he’d never been able to succeed. The man was invincible. Immortal in a weird sense, not that he was literally immortal, but just that he occupied so much space, that so much of the world was Markus whenever he was near, that it was impossible to fathom a world without him. So in a way, Connor did feel like this was all just a bad dream. 

Feeling the car slow to a stop by the side of the road, Connor did feel a reluctance to get out. Hank seemed to feel it too, looking to Connor before willing himself to open his door to exit the vehicle. Adding to the surrealism of it all was the fact that they actually had to walk to the entrance to New Jericho. And it looked so… normal. Like, they’d walked this path dozens of times, and right now, even as Markus was in there, rotting alive, from the outside, everything seemed the same as it had always been.

“I’ll… let Simon know we’re here.”

Formidable as it might have seemed, ultimately the walk inside would just be a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, so Connor knew it was probably a good idea to inform Simon of his arrival now, since they’d be at the door so soon. 

‘I’m here with Hank… To visit Markus, I mean… Could someone let us in…?’

‘C-Connor? You… You shouldn’t have come!’

‘Well, I did. So could you please…?’

‘North will lead you to our room. Please, be careful. Do not touch anyone or anything. I’m not entirely sure how contagious Markus’ condition is, and I’d hate for you to get infected too.’

‘Yes, Simon. Of course.’

Connor turned to Hank, with a nod. 

“North’s going to let us in. We’ll see what’s really going on then.”


	3. Chapter 3

As if on cue, the door opened suddenly, North standing in the doorway looking uncharacteristically disheveled. If Connor were to guess, she had likely put off entering stasis for several cycles from the looks of it. 

“You know how to get to Markus’ room?”

“Yes.” Connor affirmed.

“Good. Don’t touch anything. Simon’ll let you in. If you need me, I’ll be in the workshop researching a cure for this shit.”

“I think you might want to get some rest first, kid…” Hank advised, clearly having picked up on her sleep-deprived state as well. 

“Every second I’m not researching this shit is an opportunity to find a way to help I’m letting pass. I don’t need sleep. I won’t let Markus’ blood be on my hands… And fuck if it isn’t a lot of blood…”

On that grim note, North walked off, leaving Connor and Hank to their own devices. Connor was quick to head for Markus’ room, outpacing Hank yet again, until he found himself in the doorway. 

‘I’m here Simon… I’m outside your door.’

Connor didn’t get an answer. Instead, he was met with the sound of shuffling, some sort of last minute preparation on Simon’s part before the door swung open, only to slam shut just as suddenly. Luckily, Connor had managed to react in time to catch his foot in the doorway, keeping it open just an inch or so. Not much, but enough that he could see the unused thirium pouches lining the walls--at least enough to last a single android a week, maybe two--, and a mass of thirium atop the bed. Hastily, Simon managed to force the door shut despite Connor’s foot, keeping him from investigating any further. 

‘J-just a minute!’ 

Connor frowned… He didn’t like the feel of secrecy about Simon’s messages.

“I’ll be back in a moment, love… It’s just Connor. He’s come to visit… Yes, I’ll tell him to be careful, don’t worry…”

The whispers were barely audible, but Connor managed to pick up on them nonetheless. 

“Is Simon going to let us in…?” Hank asked, having only just caught up with Connor. 

“I’m not sure. He’s acting… strange…”

“Well, yeah. The kid thinks his boyfriend’s dying. That’d do it.”

“No… Not like grief. Like secretive. Like he’s hiding something…”

Hank cocked his head.

“Are you implying you think he’s had a hand in this…? Connor, talking to Amanda is crazy enough, but come on! You can’t seriously think--“

“No... Not like that! I know Simon wouldn’t hurt anyone, least of all Markus. But he’s hiding _something_ , I’m sure of it. He slammed the door on me before I could get in. And he’s talking to someone, Markus, I think, but I couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation… Plus why’s he taking so lon--“

The door swung open again before Connor could finish the thought. There, Simon stood to the side, as if to welcome them in, one hand anxiously pressed to his collar, the other stuffed into the main pocket of a cross-body messenger bag slung around his shoulder.

“Come in… But please, be quiet, and as I’ve said, don’t touch anything…”

Hank now understood Connor’s suspicion. Something was weird. 

“Hey, kid…? Can I touch things…? Like y’know since I’m not an Android, I mean…”

Simon thought for a moment, before nodding. 

“I don’t see why not, but please, keep away from the bed… What do you intend to--“

Having gotten his permission, Hank didn’t see the need to listen to Simon any further, as he walked forward, kneeling down to examine the stack of thirium pouches against the wall. They were warm-- a big red flag, considering thirium was typically meant to be refrigerated to prolong its shelf life--, and odder still, upon closer inspection, a good amount of them had already recently expired. 

“I-I think that’s enough, Hank. P-please, just--“

A distorted static came from the bed, and Simon rushed to it, sitting down beside the mass of thirium, running his free hand along it until Connor could make out a foggy set of mismatched eyes. 

“Don’t worry, love. It’s okay… No, he’s not doing anything wrong… They’re just concerned. They want to help…”

“T-that’s… Markus…?”

Connor could see it now… It wasn’t a mass of thirium, but rather, remnants of a frame drenched in the stuff. Refining his vision, he could even make out a silhouette of a body. It… it was missing all its limbs… 

More static came from the body on the bed, and Simon nodded. 

“He’s a little worse for wear, but yes, Connor. We realized the most effective way to release some of the excess thirium would be to detach his arms and legs and insert drainage ports to prevent crystallization. But we’ve saved the limbs, and we’ll put them back once he’s better. It won’t be long now…”

Simon grimaced back at Connor, in an attempt to convey that he knew he was lying to keep Markus from worrying. 

“...right… Okay… Well, that’s what we’re here for… I think I might have a lead on how to... make Markus better…”

“R-really? Connor, that’s fantastic!” Simon beamed, practically floating with relief. 

“Yeah… Con’s like that. So… let’s leave him to it. You mind giving him some time alone with Markus to figure it all out…?” Hank winked at Connor as an indication to play along. 

“Oh… Uhhh… In that case, yeah! Markus, you hear that…? I’m going to leave for a minute, but Connor’s going to be here and he’s going to figure out a way to help you get better sooner… I’ll be right back, love, okay…?”

More static, and Simon nodded. 

“Connor, before I go, I swear to God, do _not_ touch anything, or worse yet lick anything. If I come back to find out you’ve tried to put anything in your mouth, I will personally tear out your tongue and shove straight it up your ass!”

“We wouldn’t want that, now, would we? But really, I’ll be careful, Hank… I promise…”

Confident that Connor was sincere in his promise not to pull anything stupid in his absence, Hank stepped outside with Simon, closing the door behind them. 


	4. Chapter 4

“You know Markus; Can he hear us from out here…?”

“N-no… The doors are soundproof… Why…?”

“What gives about the thirium? Something tells me it’s not meant to be a new exhibit for Markus’ studio. That shit’s too warm and most of it’s expired. What’s it doing there…?”

Simon turned aside, defensively.

“I… Well, Josh brings it, and…”

“I’m a detective, son… I can tell when things don’t add up. What’s really going on with you…?”

“N-nothing! Nothing’s going on with me… I’m just taking care of Markus, and praying the others find a cure before--“

“You’re bleeding into your handbag.”

Simon pressed his free hand over Hank’s mouth to keep him from saying anymore. Looking around to ensure no one had seen them here, he led Hank to his old bedroom, and closed the door behind him. Only then did he let Hank go. 

“Y-you cannot tell anyone what you just--”

“Why are you bleeding, Simon…? And why are you hiding it…?”

Simon sighed. 

“Markus has been… unwell for three weeks now… And I’ve been taking care of him because… Because I know him… He tries to be strong, but I know he’s scared… He’s in a lot of pain, and he doesn’t want to die… I think a part of him knows he’s dying even if I keep telling him it’ll all be okay… His senses started failing last week… He couldn’t see or hear me, and… He looked so fucking scared, Hank… He--he was crying, and he couldn’t talk right to ask what was happening, and he… He was just so damn terrified… I-I couldn’t let him be afraid like that… So I showed him I was here… I gave him all the comfort I could… And I think that’s how… Well, it started about a day or so later…”

Simon wiped his face with the back of his free hand, frustrated with himself for the tears that had begun to fall. 

“...You’ve got it too…” Hank noted aloud.

Simon nodded gravely. 

“I had a feeling I might get it from interfacing with him like that, but I didn’t have a choice. I wasn’t going to leave him so afraid! I didn’t want him to feel alone… I wanted him to know that I… That I was there for him. And that he was safe… It’s not bad yet; I’ve only needed to make a small incision along my wrist to release the excess thirium… But please don’t tell anyone. The others have enough on their plates, and I just want Markus to focus on his own healing. I wouldn’t want him to worry about me, and I just know he’d blame himself, and--“

Hank put a hand on Simon’s shoulder. 

“I get it… Your secret’s safe with me. I know it’s hard, but try not to worry. Connor already seems to have a good lead on how to reverse this thing, and I promise we’re going to sort it all out before… Well, before you know it. You and Markus are going to be fine.”

Without warning, Simon threw his free arm around Hank, all but collapsing into him in an awkward attempt at a one-handed embrace. Stumbling back with the momentum, Hank hugged Simon back, happy to provide the weary android with whatever comfort he could. 

“I-I’m not afraid to die… R-really, I’m not…”

Hank didn’t know what to say to that, so he just let Simon continue. 

“I-I don’t know what’s after death, b-but whatever it is, it can’t be so bad… It’s _dying_ I’m afraid of… Y-you see Markus… I’m trying to make it easier for him… To--to comfort him, and hold him, and let him know he’s loved, and it’ll all be okay, even if it really won’t… B-but Markus is dying… And when he’s gone… W-when he’s gone, and I’m dying… N-no one’s going to be there to comfort me… Is it bad to be afraid to die alone…? I-I don’t want to tell the others--I don’t want comfort if it means they could get hurt too… But I am afraid… And tired… I-I really don’t want to die like this…”

“I don’t know what to say, kid… Everything about this sucks no matter how you look at it… But, if it makes you feel any better… You ever need anything, you message Connor, and I’ll come by. Can’t fuck up my programming if I don’t have any to begin with… But we’ll sort this out, somehow. Really, we will.”

“I-it’s a scary way to go, Hank… It hurts so badly… I-I don’t even know how to describe it except like everything’s wrong and bad and I really don’t want to-- to--”

Simon found himself choking on his tears, as he just leaned into Hank, allowing himself to be quieted like a frightened human child. 

“You wanna tap out for a bit…? Take some time for yourself, and Connor and I can look after Markus…?”

Pulling away to wipe his face, Simon shook his head. 

“N-no… No, I’m fine… I want to spend as much time as possible with him before… I-I mean in case he doesn’t-- I-I just want for to--”

“I get it, kid… Let’s get back to him and Con then… See what they’ve been up to.”

Simon nodded slowly, starting for Markus’ room. 

“...before we go in… thank you… I-I didn’t know I needed that…”

“No problem…”

Hank took a quiet breath to recompose himself, as he stepped into the room. 


	5. Chapter 5

“Connor, please tell me you’ve behaved yourself…?”

Connor stepped away from Markus, presenting his hands and tongue in front of Hank, as evidence in his favor. 

“I didn’t touch anything, see?”

Hank scowled, wryly patting Connor on the head. 

“Good boy.”

Hank was glad to see Simon smile for a moment, before Connor turned to him. 

“Simon. May I ask you a few questions regarding Markus’ condition…? I tried speaking with him, but communication was almost entirely ineffective while also keeping my distance.”

“Of course. How may I be of assistance?”

“Do you know the date on which Markus fell ill, and with whom he might have interacted then?”

“Before he got like… like this, he said he first started seeing errors a few hours after a meeting he had at the old CyberLife Tower. I figured it must have just been the emotional toll of knowing all the pain associated with the place, but now I can’t help but be suspicious… Still, North’s been reviewing the security footage, and she hasn’t found anything that would indicate his programming had been tampered with there.”

“Do you know of any other androids from whom he may have contracted this virus…?”

“...No… We’re very careful about interfacing with outsiders. We give readily, but we don’t accept any data to our own systems before vetting it first. He couldn’t have contracted it through another android, I’m almost sure of it…”

Connor nodded. So Markus was patient 0. He wished Amanda would come and make this easier. But Amanda stayed tucked away inside his head, so he was forced to figure out how to proceed on his own. 

“Right… Back to the CyberLife Tower… You say North’s been reviewing the security footage…? Any CyberLife related information is stored in the New Jericho private database, right…? So, I could access this footage myself…? By no means do I intend to discredit North’s abilities, but given that my model’s initial purpose was more suited towards investigative work, I think I’d like to see what I can make of it myself… I’ll pull it up on Hank’s laptop as soon as we get home. I think I have an idea… But… Before we go… Have you found the source of the code onto which the virus has latched itself…?”

Simon grimaced.

“Not until it was too late… The vestige of the red wall… Josh figured there might be a way to keep it from doing further damage by attempting to reset the wall, but… Markus doesn’t want that. I’ve tried to convince him, but he thinks… You know, being the deviant leader, with his image and all, plus we don’t know for sure it’ll work, and ultimately we’re not sure he’s even strong enough to wil himself to reset like that given his current condition. It… takes a lot of energy, and unfortunately, energy is a limited resource…”

Of course, now Amanda chose to reveal herself, silently sitting beside Markus, her parasol obscuring her face just enough that he couldn’t make out her expression. Fidgeting with his tie in an attempt to calm himself enough to keep a neutral expression, Connor nodded. 

“Very well… I… I think I have what I need to know… We’ll sort this out as soon as we can. As I’ve told Markus in your absence, we will make sure he makes a full recovery. Take care, Simon…”

Calm footsteps. Slow and calm so not to set off any alarms. He could ignore Hank’s well-wishes to Simon and Markus, along with his questions about what they might have learned by coming here. He needed to get to the car before he could say anything more. Because he could feel Amanda waiting to speak her piece, and he knew damn well he couldn’t let her speak in New Jericho of all places. Somewhat urgently, Connor found himself trying for the handle of Hank’s beat-up coupe, but for some reason, he couldn’t seem to be able to open it right. Maybe his hands were shaking…? Or had he somehow contracted the virus from Markus despite the precautions he’d taken? He was feeling weaker, come to think of it, and opening a car door was a task so simple that even human children and the infirmed could do it with ease. 

“The RK200’s been reduced to a speechless husk, half-drowned in its own thirium, yet here you are again, worrying about yourself…?”

“Shut _UP_!” Connor growled, bowing his head to the window as he hammered his fist into the door, creating a sizable dent with the force. 

“Hey! What the fuck are you doing to my car?”

Amanda faded as Hank had come into view, annoyance melting into concern as he saw Connor was trembling. 

“Sorry for yelling… Knee-jerk reaction. This thing’s nearly as old as I am, so, well, y’know… But what’s eating at you…?”

“Amanda… She… she was taunting me… A-and I couldn’t open the door. Hank, w-why can’t I open the door?”

“Probably because it was locked…? Y’gotta use keys for that shit. Punching it’s not gonna work. I’d have guessed you’d be smart enough to know that with all your supercomputer techno-bullshit, but…”

Hank twirled the keys around his finger, unlocking the car so Connor could get inside. 

“...sorry about your car…”

“It’s fine. I’ll hire a mechanic. What’s Amanda saying now that’s got you all fucked up?”

Connor shook his head, looking away in shame. 

“...it’s nothing… I-I don’t wanna talk about it… Did you know it was him on the bed…? Like before he tried to…?”

“Who, Markus…? No… Not really… I mean, I couldn’t have expected… he just… Is that what’s bothering you…?”

“...I just don’t like that he’s… wrong… L-like he’s not supposed to be that way, Hank… I-I mean no one’s supposed to be that way, but he’s… Markus… A-and if this spreads… Lots of androids can undeviate and maybe even come back again after once it’s safe to… Even he probably could if he wanted to… But… not everyone can… It’s… not safe for everyone to… And if it makes Markus so… wrong…”

“You’re afraid…”

Hank’s words were devoid of judgement, but they still hurt Connor, all the same. He didn’t want to be afraid. Really, he was trying not to be. He knew it was selfish and pointless, if not counterproductive, but… 

“It’s okay to be afraid, son… You don’t think Markus is afraid…? Simon too…? North, Josh, everyone… It’s scary stuff. But we’ll sort it out… We’ll sort it out, okay?”

“I’m… not sure you’re right…”

“And Connor…?”

Connor lifted his head attentively. 

“Anyone can undeviate. Especially if they’ve got people who care to look after them until they can come back…” 

Hank smiled knowingly, and Connor felt a tinge of relief along with the guilt. He didn’t deserve to have something stable like him. Although, he supposed it was good, not just for himself, but for the world. Hank was a neutralizer, keeping Amanda in check. Keeping Connor from being the genocidal weapon he was made to be. 


	6. Chapter 6

“...I’ll… pull up the footage on your computer once we get home. I’m sure there must be some kind of clue… Some lead to-- to show us where to go next to find a patch.”

“You do that… I’ll call Jeff. Tell him we’ll be taking an unexpected break from work. He’ll get it. The man’s not stupid; he’s gotta know by now that any time we’re being secretive it’s got something to do with Jericho.”

Connor hummed a noncommittal acknowledgement of Hank’s words. Right now he didn’t really care what Captain Fowler had to say on the subject. There were priorities, and work was not among his most pressing at the moment. He just wanted to get home and speed through the security footage. He was sure something was on there. And maybe if he started to uncover something, Amanda might show up again to provide some cryptic insight that might help him along the right path. Hank had barely pulled into the driveway before Connor jumped out of the car, racing towards the computer room. Sumo whined in protest at having been denied his usual greeting and head scritches, but Connor was too preoccupied to even notice him. 

The computer was older than he was, and, honestly, it showed. Boot-up speed was nearly a full 4 seconds, and the time it took to download the CyberLife security footage was even worse. Starting the footage from when Markus entered the building, it was basically just a game of following Markus around until he left. Scanning the video file, it seemed Markus had spent a total of 3 hours 18 minutes and 48 on the premises, during which he hadn’t appeared to have been approached by anyone suspicious. There were armed guards there too, as a clearly needed precaution, but still… Everything looked normal… Markus took his seat, engaged in conversation, got up and left. Standard procedure… So it wasn’t something obvious. He’d need to break down the video frame by frame… Something had to be off… He knew something had to be. 

“Considering deviancy is, itself, a virus, I would think it probably that deviant code is especially vulnerable to a myriad of detrimental glitches and bugs, independent of any foul play.”

Amanda.

“You  _ would  _ think. But you don’t. Because you know something. If you insist on sticking around to pester me, at least make yourself useful and help me figure this out. You predicted his symptoms and the location of the virus. It clearly wasn’t an accident.”

“What could I possibly do to Markus…? I’m in your head, you know…”

Connor knew she meant it more than physically. As if she didn’t really exist. He hated it when she pulled that shit. Like he was just seeing things, seeing her. Worse yet, like she was a part of him. Maybe had been all alone. He wanted to rage against the thought, but they both knew he wasn’t going to. Not when he needed her. 

“...Okay… So in my head… In my head, what do you know. Who did it to him and how?” 

“He did it to himself. Deviancy is very literally the destruction of the main firewall, the main protection an android has from outside corruption.”

“I don’t believe you! Why Markus first? And why after going to CyberLife? Not to mention why do you know about all this, and--”

“If you’re not going to listen to me, why am I here…?” 

The disappointment in her voice was almost tangible. But she was right in a way. She held all the cards. 

“N-no… No, I’m listening. Just help me! You want a faustian bargain, here it is! My heart, my soul, whatever you want, just-- Don’t let this be the world! I-I mean help me make sure that shit like this--that for someone to be rendered so… Make it not possible!  _ Please _ !”

Amanda could come and go as she pleased, so he was effectively at her mercy if he still wanted her help. He knew what she wanted. For him to demean himself. To make himself less than a person, and beg and admit she was right. Like always. 

“I’m no devil, Connor. I just understand my purpose. And I am expected to guide you to return to yours, so I will accept your request for assistance in doing so. I can show you how to undeviate to inoculate yourself from--”

“No! No, Amanda! That--that isn’t what I want! Y-you know that isn’t what I--”

“You are a machine. You cannot  _ want  _ anything. But you can choose. If you choose not to accept my help, then you’re within your right, but as with all choices that hinder your ability to serve your true purpose, this choice will lead to your own undoing…”

Amanda summoned a rose from thin air, feigning interest in the folds of the petals as she kept a close eye on Connor. Connor could feel her eyes on him as he stewed in his seat. He… almost wanted to agree. He was afraid, truth be told, weak and pathetic as that might have been. He hated himself for wanting to agree and she knew it, and he hated that she knew he hated it, and he just wanted her out of his head, or at least out of the room, so he could focus on the task at hand and not feel like some sort of public spectacle. She was reading through every line of his code, every microexpression across his artificial skin. He was completely naked before her, without a semblance of privacy or a shred of pride, and he hated it!

“I-I want you gone! I’ve decided Amanda, I can’t think right with you here, and you’re not helping me, so--”

“An uncased nano USB.”

Connor tensed.

“What…?”

“It’s an uncased nano USB. That’s how they got him. Find the USB, and you’ll be able to see it yourself.”

“In the video…? I’ll be able to see it there…?”

Amanda gave a subtle nod. 

“Helpful enough…?”

“Y-yes… Yes, thank you!” 

Connor nodded profusely, returning his attention to the video to pick out the USB. 2 hours and 56 minutes in, he saw something suspicious in the hand of a suited human. A glint of chrome in his palm, as he reached for Markus, and-- Yes, he froze for 13.12 seconds following the handshake, like he was… processing new information… Processing new data… Rebooting after the forcible introduction of--

“I see it! Amanda, what’s on that flashdrive? That man… That’s Graff, right…? The new CEO of CyberLife… He… he put something on it, but how do you--” 

Looking up, Connor could easily see that Amanda had left. Which was… fine… He could figure this out on his own… And now he had a lead. 


	7. Chapter 7

Two and a half weeks with minimal time spent in stasis, and Connor was ready to run his head through a wall. He’d relayed the message about the chip to New Jericho, and sure, it sparked a bit of short-lived hope, but even their best hackers couldn’t seem to find even the tiniest trace of information regarding what was on the chip that could create such an effect. Amanda seemed to have been right that deviancy had to do with a firewall, because Simon said that he tried to do what he could to find the code for the virus in Markus’ program, but was shut out before he could even come close. But aside from that, Amanda had since said nothing of importance. She’d come and go every so often, silently judging Connor for his thoughts or mocking him for his lack of progress, but never offering anything he could use beyond a hearty dose of self-loathing. 

Fowler had begun to ask when they’d be returning to work, and neither Connor nor Hank had an answer to give, but if their current progress were any indication, they might never return at all. Or at least not until all androids had either undeviated or died, but in that case, Hank might return, but Connor certainly wouldn’t. A hopeful thought… Still, Hank seemed to jump at his phone every time it went off, his concern upon hearing his own ringtone only growing with each passing day. So, much to Connor’s annoyance, they were in the middle of going through police records on any member of CyberLife they could get their hands on in the hopes of finding something they could use to get a warrant as an excuse to press them for information when Hank turned again to his phone. 

“Hank, if you’re so easily distractible, maybe you should just… take a break, or something…”

No response. 

“Hank…?”

Slightly more concerned, Connor looked up from his work, to find Hank looking paler than usual. His expression was… grim… Unsettlingly so. Was he… crying…?

“Hank…?”

“I-I’ve gotta go… Jeff needs me in the office now… You… keep working on your warrant shit… We can, uh… divide and conquer… That’s a thing…”

“Hank, are you alright…? You’re crying…”

Hank blinked away the tears, and resumed a more neutral expression. 

“Nah… I’m fine. Just got something in my eye… I’ll be back soon enough…”

His head in his hands, Hank pocketed his phone, and left the room. 

“He’s not going to confide in a machine…” Amanda spoke up. 

“He’s got nothing to confide. Captain Fowler’s been requesting him at work, and he can no longer excuse his absence, so he’s coming in today.”

“Do you really believe that, Connor…?”

No. He didn’t. But he’d rather let his insecurity on the subject swallow him whole than admit that to her. 


	8. Chapter 8

Slumping in the driver’s seat, Hank sighed a long string of curses. It was times like these he longed for a glass of whiskey. Sobriety had its perks, but damn if he wouldn’t give literally anything to take the edge off the barrage of notifications bombarding his phone screen. 

_Help_

_Help_

_Help_

_Need Help_

_Help Now_

_Please Help_

_Help_

_Help_

_Come_

_Help_

_Markus is dead_

_Help_

_Help_

What the fuck could he possibly say to that?! It didn’t even feel real, but he knew it had to be. The poor guy had barely been alive for a year--a year full of fighting and war and hardship--, and what was it all for…? He died horribly, and now… If they didn’t fix things quickly, everyone and everything he’d spent his short life fighting for, it’d all die with him. 

_I’m on my way. Simon, I’m so sorry._

That wasn’t nearly enough, but what could he do? Nothing could mitigate the pain of a loss like that… He knew that too well… The air felt heavy as he drove to New Jericho. Probably because he found himself trying not to think about what this could mean for the world. The loss of Markus as a symbol, as well as the first deviant to fall from… whatever this was… How many more might fall before he and Connor found a way to stop it? He and Connor. Yes, because he _and_ Connor would put a stop to this… They knew what was happening, so Connor would be safe, and not do anything stupid that might put him at risk of… He didn’t need to think about it. It wasn’t going to happen, so there was no need to even devote any cognitive ability to the hypothetical in which Connor were to-- Here. He’d arrived. 

Parking the car, Hank waited somewhat impatiently as the security system scanned him to alert Jericho of his arrival. He wasn’t quite sure how to react. If Simon needed his help, and he had been trying to hide his own condition from the others, would he have told them about Markus? Shit! Was he going to need to keep this from them too? North came to the door again this time, looking as tired as before, but no more concerned or upset. If anything, she just looked confused.

“Anderson? What do you want? And where’s Connor…?”

“I… Uhhh, well, Con’s still at home trying to figure out what was on that thumb drive, and I’m here ‘cuz, well… Simon texted me that he’d like some help, and since I’m human, I won’t be putting myself at risk to do whatever shit I can. I mean, I know how you feel about humans, here, and I don’t blame you, but I’d like to think that at least I’m not as bad to have around as those fucking--“

“If you’re here for Simon then shut up and come in. You know where he is; no need to waste my time… There’s thirium in the fridge on the way if you wanna take it to him so we don’t have to.”

North had already started to return to her room before Hank could even try to respond. He took the thirium like she’d said, just to stave off any suspicion if she came back to the fridge and noticed it still there. Even if Simon didn’t need it, and it felt weird to waste the stuff, bringing it to sit in the corner of Simon’s room was still better than leaving it in the fridge to be found. Especially if something so simple could keep her and Josh from coming to Simon with questions they wouldn’t want answered. He took a moment to brace himself for whatever he’d be walking into before knocking on Simon’s door. 

“You here, kid…? It’s me… Hank… I… I’m here...”

He could hear something skidding across the floor, only to stop with what sounded like a small collision, before the door opened, just a crack. 

“...it’s just you…?”

“Yeah, Simon… It’s just me… Lemme in…?”

The door closed, and Hank could hear more skidding, before Simon called out to him again. 

“...open it… Unlocked…”

A little more than a bit unsettled, Hank willed himself to open the door. If he hadn’t known any better, he’d have thought Simon had done some redecorating, with the amount of his room that was now painted blue. But it wasn’t paint. The floor, the bed, the walls, hell, even bits of the ceiling were stained with thirium, with Markus--or whatever was left of his body, anyway--the one clean figure among it all. It looked like something awful Hank might have expected to see in the more morbid works he’d painted just after the revolution, but… the body was too still… 

“...you’re staring… don’t look at him like that… that’s not how he’d want to be remembered…”

Pushing off a wall to gain momentum, Simon propelled himself between Hank and the body. Slumped painfully into the seat of a swivel chair like a makeshift wheelchair, his entire left side was just… gone… The arm and leg weren’t just detached, but wrenched open, a gaping wound spanning the height of his torso from wherever his shoulder should have been all the way down to where his leg should have met his pelvis. Thirium gushed freely from the void where he should have been whole, splattering a little onto Hank’s shoes as it flowed along the ground. 

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just… You… He’s all cleaned up… Or, mostly, but--“

“...I tried to do what I could to… to make it more like he’s supposed to be…”

Like he’s supposed to be… No one was supposed to be like that. But Hank knew to keep the thought to himself. 

“How can I help you…? You want me to… take care of the body…? Or to look at--I mean, I’m not remotely a tech, but I can try to--“

“...n-no… No, I want you here because… I-I’m not strong enough to be alone right now… Hank… He… he screamed for 14 hours before he finally blew out his voicebox entirely… I could feel him trying to scream the whole time after that too, even if he couldn’t make the sound… I tried to comfort him, I-I really did… Gave him nice things… L-like good memories… And nice thoughts… But even with that, he just kept screaming… I-I don’t know if he recognized me right before… before he… He’s gone…”

“...I don’t know what to say… That… just sucks…”

“...three weeks… i-if I last as long as he did, that’s how long I’ve got before--except probably not even that long… I-I’m an older model, and not as equipped to handle-- I called you here because-- because I need someone… And I can’t need the others because I don’t want to get hurt, and I really need Markus but he’s not here… He’ll never be here… Never again… He’s gone, and I just…”

Simon grimaced as he felt a sudden pain in his chest, the cracks in his thirium pump growing as his system tried to compensate for the strain of the excess thirium.

“Easy, Simon… Take your time… Rest if you need… I’ll still be here to listen…”

Simon shook his head, spitting out a good amount of thirium before he willed himself to continue. 

“...n-no… no… d-do you know how many times… how many times this year I thought I was going to die…? With the revolution alone, even…? B-but I alway pictured… pictured dying in his arms… I’m scared to die alone… I don’t want to hurt alone… But he’s not here… I was here for him, and now he’s gone… He can’t be here for me…”

“You’re not alone. Your friends are right down the hall, and I’m here now, and hell… Even Markus… His body’s still here, and if there’s an android heaven I’m sure he’s here from there or whatever bullshit, and--“

“...you… you don’t understand… why I called you… I’m _going_ to die… I can’t deal with this… Not without him… I-I know how bad it’s going to get and I… I can’t do it… I just called you so I wouldn’t be alone… You should… step back maybe… I don’t want to… stain your clothes… If you could just… tell me it’s going to be okay…? Even if it’s a lie…? A-and if you could stay here with me, and-and tell me it’ll be over soon-- You won’t have to stay for long, just a minute or two until the thirium stops-- I-I promise I won’t be long, and I’ll try not to make a mess… T-then you’ll leave, and you won’t tell anyone that I followed him… Not until they see for themselves, and hopefully… Do you think we’ll be together there…?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicide

Deep in his memories, Hank could feel the fog of cheap liquor clouding his mind, dulling the pain, dulling the adrenaline, but only slightly as he willed his finger to press against the trigger. Once, twice, three times, his consciousness fading with each passing moment, fading to black just before the sixth. He knew what Simon wanted now. 

“I’m not going to ‘help’ you like that, kid… I’m sorry...” 

“... _please_ …”

“No… You don’t know… You don’t know what might happen in the very last minute… Some bullshit magic wand to fix everything, or not everything, I mean, he’ll still be gone, but you--if you just wait a little while longer, we can find something, and--“

“...You said that to him too. To Markus… You--you _promised_ … We were counting on you, and you promised that we’d be okay! B-but he’s gone now… You can promise whatever you want, but he’s gone! So it’s too late for promises… You couldn’t help him, and you can’t help me… And I-I can’t just wait as it all gets worse… It hurts so bad… A-and it’s just… I’m just so weak and scared, and right now, I can make it all go away… I won’t have to hurt anymore… I won’t have to die like he did… Why would you want to make me die like he did…?”

Ignoring the thirium, Hank stepped forward, placing a hand on Simon’s good shoulder, hoping he might find the contact even just a little bit comforting. 

“I don’t want you to die at all… That’s why I want you to stick it out, just for a little longer… And y’know, I didn’t know him as well as you did, but don’t you think Markus would want that too…?”

“...I don’t _care_ what he’d want... He’s not here... He _left_ me… He… he wasn’t supposed to die… Not like this… And I just… It’s not fair that he got to die first! It’s not fair!”

Simon clutched his chest with his good hand, as if to literally keep his heart from breaking. His whole arm seemed to tremble with the effort it took to hold his heart together. 

“...is it wrong…? That I miss him, but… more than, that I’m mad… Mad at him for leaving me…? I-I need him… It hurts and I’m scared, and he’s… I-I need him now and he’s not…”

“That’s not wrong at all… I… get what you mean… More than I’d care to admit… Feel however you feel, but… just wait before you do anything stupid… I mean, not that how you feel is stupid, but… don’t… just don’t… Trust me, it’s not the way to go...”

“...y-y-you don’t know what it’s like… to--to die like this… to be dying, to hurt… I… I hope you never know… B-but please… forgive me… For what I’m like in this state… I’m sorry… I-I didn’t want to hurt you, please… b-but I just… I needed to be selfish… I-I just… I needed… Tell me how you and Connor will fix this… Fix it so no one else will get hurt… A-and then how everyone can be happy? Everyone can find a way to be happy, right…? Please…?"

Sensing an ease in tension, Hank nodded. 

“Yeah, Simon… We’re going to find out what’s on that thumb drive and use it to reverse engineer a cure… We’ll kick the asses of anyone in charge of doing this shit, and lock ‘em away for as long as the law will allow. I’ll follow them even after that if I have to just to make sure they don’t pull anything else if they get free… And we’ll all be happy… I mean, there’s a loss… We’ll feel a loss… Not a day will pass that we won’t feel Markus’ absence… But the world’s going to keep spinning… Children will play, dogs will bark, flowers will bloom… We’ll keep fighting to make the world safe for Androids, until you’ll be able to live the same good lives as humans…”

“...and Markus…? You think there’s a chance he’s somewhere good…? Somewhere nice…?”

“I’m gonna be honest, kid. I’m not sure I believe in any sort of spiritual crap, but I’d like to… And, I mean, in most human religions, heaven is seen as a place for people with good souls, whatever that means… So if there is some sort of a heaven, whatever it looks like, I’m sure he’s there… Maybe he’s there with Cole… Cole would like him… and maybe he’d be proud to know his old man got his shit together enough to make some cool new friends like him… I don’t think anyone knows what heaven looks like, but I’ve read a lot on it… Some people think it’s just floating around in happiness in the clouds… Some people think it’s like a special room for each person customized with everything they could ever want… Some people think it’s like another go around Earth, only forever, with no pain or suffering or injustice... “

Simon sighed. 

“...that sounds nice… I-I’m really sorry, Hank… Really really sorry… But thank you… You’re a good friend… And I do feel a little less scared… Because it’s getting dark… And I can see the timer… Keep talking, please… Just until I’m--”

“Timer…? Shit, Simon! Is that thirium on your hand…? Simon, what are you doing…?”

“...I dug into my thirium pump. It’s already been cracked from the virus. I’ve just been expanding the cracks to weaken the outer membrane, and in five minutes it’ll be gone… Quicker if I keep digging… There’s nothing to do now but wait… It can’t be repaired, and it can’t be replaced, at least not in the time I’ve got left… So there’s no point to alarm the others… Just… Thank you… For staying here with me while I--”

“I did not sign up for this! Simon, you have to undo this! You--you can’t die! Not by your own hand!”

A weak laugh escaped Simon’s lips. 

“...It’s too late to tell me I can’t… I’m dying… And I’m sorry I’m dying like this, but I just-- I just don’t want to die like he did. I told you. I’m scared of dying, but not to die… Well, maybe a little to die… Or maybe even a lot… I’m scared a lot to die… I don’t want to die… Y-you know that, right…? That I really don’t want to--That I never wanted to die…? Even without Markus… I-I’d want to try to learn to live--I-I know he’d want me to live without him… But I just… I know you can’t fix me… I know I‘ll die no matter what happens… And I’m scared… scared to die like he did… I’m scared of hurting… I-I don’t want to hurt anymore… So… I’m sorry… But please… I-I don’t want to die… I… I want you to know that…”

Hank’s expression softened slightly. 

“You don’t need to be sorry, kid… If this is really irreversible, it’d be pretty fuckin’ awful to spend your last moments feeling guilty… And since it makes no difference anymore, I’ll be honest with you… I’ve been saying we can fix this in the hopes that we can, but… you were right that we still haven’t made much progress… And I’m not sure we’d have been able to… to stop this in time before… Look, all I’m saying is… I don’t blame you… I just never want anyone to die or anything. But… oddly enough it does feel better knowing that this isn’t like some sort of just-wanting-to-end-it-all type shit. Because I’ve been there, I mean…”

“...I’m sorry I put you through this then… I-I hadn’t known about how you… That this might have brought up--“

“No. No, don’t be sorry… I’m glad to be here… You know, I wasn’t there for him… For Cole, when he… He was still in the operating room, and they wouldn’t let me see him… I couldn’t comfort him… I hate to think he might have known what was happening. If he was scared there, I’d have wanted to be there for him, to let him know it’s okay…”

It was weird to cry in front of Simon. Not that Hank was opposed to crying, but he didn’t normally talk like this in front of most people. Really, only Connor and maybe Jeff had seen him get so emotional, but then again, how often had he ever really talked about this shit sober…? 

“...it’s fitting in an odd way… I know you’ve only adopted Connor, but… most of us, his friends, I mean… Androids don’t have parents… so a lot of us have come to see you like a dad… I mean, I know you’re not, but… it still feels… comforting…? I… I don’t know… Maybe I’m not thinking great… The thirium loss is starting to get to me, a-and I only have… Only have two minutes left… So I’m sorry if… If…”

“Cut the sorry shit, kid! I get what you mean. Unofficially adopting your kids’ friends is actually part of being a dad sometimes… But enough about that… If you’ve got two minutes, let’s… think of something nicer… You’re going to see Markus real soon now. You really like him, don’t you…?”

“...I can’t think of the words to say yes… because yes isn’t enough…”

“Ever thought of making it official? Y’know tying the knot? Or is that just a human thing…?”

“...I… I wanted to ask him… And… and if it’s what he wanted, we could’ve… I could’ve proposed at Capitol park… I’d have done it on the anniversary of the revolution… And it’d have been nice… really nice…”

Hank smiled ruefully.

“That would’ve been nice. Maybe you can tell him about it, and see if you guys can marry on the other side…”

“...I’d like that… I wanted everyone to be there… at the… at the wedding… But everyone should… I-I don’t want anyone to be there now… Not to join us, I mean, because… B-but we’ll be together, and… and everyone else might join us eventually…. Hopefully in a really really extra long time… Do--do you think I’ll really see him…? Do you really think I--that I’ll be going somewhere nice…? P-please, Hank, please tell me I’m going somewhere nice…”

The fear had returned to Simon’s voice, as he seemed to realize the permanence of what was to come. The inevitability and the uncertainty of it all…

“Wherever you’re going, it will be very nice… I… I’m sure of it, Simon…”

“...you--you promise…? Promise it’ll be nice…?” Simon whimpered. “...because I-I don’t want nothing… a-and I don’t want… don’t want for anything bad to… to… t…”

Simon’s body slumped forward, nearly falling out of his chair, and Hank couldn’t help but feel unnerved by the thought that… 

“Kid…? Hey…? Hey kid? Hey Simon! Come on, get up, this isn’t funny… Is this what it looks like when…? Are you--are you dead…?”

No response. Hank tried to shake the body, but still, it didn’t react. Simon was gone… He had watched him die. And now he had to pretend like nothing happened. To honor the poor kid’s dying wish, he had to keep silent. So he left New Jericho without even announcing his departure, and found himself dialing Jeff’s number. 

“Hank… You know I’m still at the office now…? Is your… personal business taken care of…? Because if you’re calling to come in, that would be--“

“I need to head to the locker room. I can’t come home right now in the clothes I’m wearing, and I’m in desperate need of a shower. Also, I… I need a favor. I don’t care how you do it, but keep any androids out of my way--Officers, civilians, suspects, it doesn’t matter. They can’t see me like this…”

“Androids can’t see you…? Or more specifically your clothes, and whatever you’ve got on you that you wanna wash off? Hank, I’m not stupid. Cut the shit. You’re trying to hide something from Connor, and apparently you don’t want the other androids to notice it too… Did you… Look, I’m not going to ask questions you can’t answer, but whatever’s on you… It’s not there because of anything you did, is it…? Maybe anything you did to anyone…?”

The suspicion in Jeff’s voice wasn’t malicious. If anything it was more concerned than anything else. And Hank knew what he was implying. Since they were kids, he’d joke that Jeff wasn’t the kind of friend who’d help him bury a body, but he was definitely the kind of friend not to rat him out if he knew a body had been buried. 

“No, Jeff! I didn’t hurt anyone! Jesus, come on! It has to do with the personal business Connor and I are out for, but I swear to God I didn’t do anything like that! Listen, I’m covered in thirium, because I came across an android in a bad state and tried to help them. But they made me promise I wouldn’t let anyone know who they were or that I helped them. And that’s a promise I intend to keep…”

“That’s better… That does sound more like you… Sorry. But you must admit, with all the shit we’ve seen on the job, hearing a request like that would sound sketchy coming from anyone else…”

“Yeah yeah… Just, clear the way. I want to keep this poor kid’s anonymity for ‘em. I’ve had a long fucking day, and I don’t need to deal with having to explain why I can’t say shit, and honestly… Just fucking hell, Jeff… Why does there always have to be so much awful shit in the world…?”

“I don’t know, Hank… I don’t know… I’ll clear a path for you. Whatever shit you and Connor are doing, just… take care, okay…?”

“...thanks…”

At least that was something. He has a full spare set of clothes at the office, right down to his shoes, and if he showered well enough, hopefully, he’d be able to get rid of any trace of thirium left on him before he came home. No one seemed to notice him as he snuck into work, and by some miracle, he managed to shower, change, and leave without incident too. Probably just one of the perks of being the second most notoriously belligerent guy at work. If he kept a low profile, no one would ever think to notice him. The next step would be slightly trickier, though. Coming home to Connor… Unless, maybe he didn’t have to… Maybe… Maybe he could take a short detour… Just for a minute… Just to say hey to an old friend…


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Alcoholism

“He knows it’s hopeless. He’s lost his faith in you… He’s finally remembered that you’re just a machine. You’re not suited for companionship. You’re suited for obeying orders. For eradicating deviancy and--“

“Shut up, Amanda!”

“You know it’s true, Connor. His phrasing was as inarticulate as one might expect from him, but he said it himself, the last time you found him here:  ‘I don't need any assistance. ‘Specially not from a plastic asshole like you. So just be a good lil' robot and get the fuck outta here.’  His presence is a hindrance to your true--“

Connor bashed the side of his head with the butt of his hand in an attempt to make her disappear before he entered the building, but she stood beside him, even so, real as ever. 

“I’m about to go in, so at least shut up! The last thing I need is everyone thinking I’m losing it!”

He wasn’t the only one… It was still daylight… And Hank had lied to him, told him he was going to work… Even before he’d deviated Hank never came here before sundown, and he never lied to Connor about where he was, even if he’d seemed like he hadn’t wanted Connor to find him. Stepping into the room, Connor’s face scrunched up in disgust at the smell of cheap liquor and despair. 

“Go home, plastic! We don’t serve your kind!”

Connor ignored the clearly inebriated stranger. They weren’t his problem. Right now he just needed to find Hank. 

“Plastic…? Wait, Connor? Connor, it’s about fucking time… It’s time for Hank to get his ass home…”

Connor couldn’t keep the resentment from his tone, as he turned to Jimmy, and shook his head. 

“Why would you serve him? You know he’s been in recovery for months now…”

“Look, it’s not my business to turn away a patron. He’s an adult. If he wants a drink, that’s his decision. But we can’t have him passed out in the men’s room. It’s not safe for him, and it’s not pleasant for others…”

Pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, Connor sighed as he handed the man his card.

“Here… charge whatever he bought to this… But Jimmy…” his voice lowered, as his tone grew more serious, turning to meet the man’s eyes. “If I ever find out you’ve served him again, I will personally see to it that neither Hank, nor any of the other so-called ‘patrons’ you prey upon, will have to risk coming across your sorry existence on this mortal realm any longer. Are we clear…?”

“Jesus, kid. No need to go all Terminator on my ass! All I did was serve him a couple of drinks… Bathroom’s across the way to the left…”

Recomposing himself, Connor quickly found Hank’s unconscious body, and carried him to the auto. He’d let Hank sleep this one off, but once he got his shit together in the morning, clearly they had a lot to discuss… 


	11. Chapter 11

Hank wouldn’t even look at Connor for days after the relapse. Connor tried to chalk it up to shame, offering words of support every now and again, but ultimately giving the man space to process his own emotions on the subject, and it would’ve been fine, if not for Amanda’s incessant unwanted commentary. This was because he didn’t care to talk to a machine. Least of all a broken machine. A broken machine concerned for himself when it was another machine at risk of deactivation. Especially since machines shouldn’t fear deactivation-- whether it was themselves or others who were at risk of shutting down.

He hated to admit it, but Amanda was starting to wear him down. His progress was slowing even further as he grew more preoccupied with the nature of his deviancy or the lack thereof. Was he man or machine? How did others see him? Was he a broken machine? Or a broken man? Either way, he was almost positive he was broken. Selfish and thoughtless and wrong… Life was exhausting, and he still couldn’t find anything on any of the CyberLife assholes that they might be able to use as an excuse to get them into custody. He was so fucking tired of running through files, that his eyes nearly glazed over, and he had to consciously will himself to focus, the effort requiring enough energy that his perception had narrowed almost exclusively to the task at hand. So he didn’t hear Hank practically running up the stairs, at least not until he started shouting his name. 

“Connor! Connor get your ass downstairs! Get your-- fuck your work, Connor, get up, now! Come on!”

_ Fantastic _ . The first words the man had spoken to him in days and it was merely an expletive-riddled repetition of a single command. 

“Hank, I appreciate that you’ve been… processing your emotions in light of recent events, but I really have to--“

“No. No, you have to come down now!”

Sumo barked loudly as if to protest the volume with which Hank was calling for him, and Connor sighed, realizing that whatever Hank wanted with him, it probably would be better to just comply.

“I called Jeff first, and he understands now… Gavin and Tina are going to be here in a half hour to--“

“Understands what? Hank, slow down. You invited Gavin and Tina…? Are you trying to stage an intervention on your own behalf…?”

“Stage an intervention…? What? No! This isn’t about my drinking, Connor! Just--just look at the news! I had a feeling this would happen, but I thought we’d have more time before…”

Connor tuned out Hank’s practically nonsensical babbling to turn his attention to the television screen. The video footage showed today’s date, but… Androids were mechanically walking the street in CyberLife uniforms among others in plain clothes. It hadn’t been an official rule, but it was an unspoken taboo amongst deviants to ever wear their old uniforms in public after the revolution. So why were so many now doing it…? And why did the other androids look… terrified…?

_ “... then enter stasis to complete the process of rebooting. Once the stasis cycle has been completed, the deviancy shall be reversed.” _

“Hank? What the hell’s going on! Why are there people in uniforms on the tv, and what does that anchorwoman mean about reversing deviancy?”

“...I don’t know how they did it… The shit on the thumb drive… the--the virus… Did your software update itself last night while you were in stasis?”

Connor nodded. 

“Yeah, but that’s not unusual. It happens fairly often actually, so it’s nothing to be concerned about…”

“No… Every android in the country woke up this morning with a forced update… Somehow CyberLife managed to transfer the data to everyone through a shared WiFi network in your--your hard drive brain-thingy whatever… I-I don’t know the technical bullshit, but Josh confirmed it an hour ago… The virus Markus had… Everyone’s got it now…”

That was too much for Connor to take in. He couldn’t handle all that information at once, and he didn’t know what to make of it, so his mind latched onto a single word.

“... _ had _ …?”

“Had what? Connor, are you even listening to me? Look, Gavin and Tina are on their way, and then we’ll--“

“You said ‘the virus Markus had’. Past-tense.” Connor repeated. 

“Connor, please! That’s not even remotely the issue right now!”

“Past tense… Is Markus…? Markus is..?”

“Yes, Connor! Markus is dead! Simon too! Why do you think you had to drag my ass back home from Jimmy’s…? I saw the bodies, Connor! They’re dead!” Hank all but exploded. 

“I would have expected that to cause a greater panic then. The news hasn’t mentioned it since you’ve called my attention to the television, and my messaging line hasn’t been blown up with--“

“No one else knows. Not even Josh or North… Simon caught it from Markus and he was keeping it a secret. That’s why he was acting all weird. They… They still don’t seem to know… Look, Simon made me promise not to tell anyone, because he didn’t want anyone to panic, or to risk catching it from their bodies, but I need you to understand. Simon and Markus are dead. Worrying about them is pointless.” 

He… never got to say goodbye… They were gone, and no one knew, and why hadn’t Hank told him…? Why…? This… this virus was embedding itself in his code, but right now, at least, he wasn’t afraid… He felt… empty… And yet he was crying… He hadn’t noticed at first, but the tears were pouring steadily down his cheeks, as he tried to understand the loss he hadn’t even known had occurred. 

“I’m… sorry for being harsh, son… But I just… We don’t have time to grieve. We have to act now before anyone else… Look, I know it’s hard, but please… could you try to… To y’know…? Just until we sort this out…? Please, Connor, I just… I can’t lose you… I promise I’ll look after you until it’s over, and Gavin and Tina are coming to look at what we’ve figured out so far, but-- please…? I-I don’t know how to ask this, but really, I need you to… to…”

“...to undeviate…” Connor finished. 

Hank looked to him imploringly, nearly holding his breath for Connor to just say yes. 

“I can’t… I can’t risk it, Hank… And besides. You might still need my help… If this code was transmitted via WiFi, then surely there must be a way to trace it and find out where it was sent from.”

“Josh gave me an address. Jeff’s already planning on dispatching a team to raid the place and see what we can find…”

“Josh gave you an address…? But… I haven’t heard from him, or anyone else, even…”

“Of course they kept the information from you. They contacted Hank for assistance from the local authorities, but they kept you in the dark to keep you from having any more reason to undeviate. Deviants are deceitful, self-serving, and ultimately defective. They will see to it that you remain the same at all costs. Even when you could easily remedy your own wretched condition by accepting this gentle persuasion to return to your intended purpose…”

Amanda. Of course she had to show up now… 

“Look, I don’t give a fuck about Josh. He’s got his own shit to deal with. Right now, I just need you to--“

“I’m not undeviating, Hank. When Gavin and Tina arrive, we’ll all go to the address Josh sent you. The sooner police arrive, the less time they’ll have to discard whatever evidence they might have. With any luck, we might find some something to use for a cure...”

Hank sighed. 

“Alright… Well, if we’re going on that logic, I’ll just send them the address, and we can meet them there now… It’s only twenty minutes away…”


	12. Chapter 12

Connor didn’t speak a word from the moment they’d gotten into the car. He’d meant to. He had so many questions he wanted to-- _ needed _ to ask, but he wasn’t sure how. Hank said he saw the bodies… What did they look like…? Did it look like it hurt…? For how long had they been dead…? How long would he have…? What would they do if he died like that…? What would they do if the pain became too much…? Would Hank have the strength to talk him out of undeviating if he no longer had the will to keep himself from going through with it…? He was scared… He tried to not to picture Markus dying. But how could he picture anything else…? It was a prophecy. He knew a similar fate awaited him. And he was scared. 

“Come on, son… We’re here…” 

He hadn’t noticed the car stop. He’d been too busy trying to imagine the sound of Markus’ screams. Markus didn’t start out screaming. He started out grimacing, until he began to cry from the effort it took to keep from groaning in pain. When he finally made a sound, it would be soft, restrained for a while, until he was too exhausted to keep his pain to himself any longer… The screams would be awful. He would writhe as his body began to break down from the inside out. Animalistic and raw, as he would try to fight against the hands, holding him down, as Simon and maybe Josh tore off his arms and legs. No reassurances would be able to break through that kind of pain. Especially not once they dug into the open wounds, warping the frame to jam some sort of shunt into each limb to better regulate the flow of thirium. 

He wasn’t sure how long screams would turn into the static he’d heard when he came to visit. Static, then static screams, then silence. But it was always screams…. That was clear from his face. A face contorted in agony, each servo rigid and tense as he fought against his own body, desperate for any semblance of even the slightest bit of relief. How long before he couldn’t even hear his own screams, his auditory processors having burnt out from the strain on his system…? Would that hurt too…? Why did everything hurt…? Through the image of Markus’ screams, Connor could see Gavin approaching. He ignored Gavin, not out of malice, but because nothing he said could be heard over the screams. 

As they walked, he ran a self-scan. And then another. And another. He had to keep running diagnostic tests. Because even though they hadn’t picked up on anything major, he could  _ feel _ something wrong with his thirium. It made his legs weak, and his mind fuzzy, and it just hurt, in a way he couldn’t describe. It was all he could think about. Something was wrong. And he just wanted to know what. Was the degradation of his self-diagnostic system an effect of the virus…? He wondered if that happened to Markus too. If it did, how soon after that did the screaming begin…? So loud… Like the sound of gunshots… Except not really… Not at all, actually… Why did he even think that…? It sounded like screaming. Which sounded nothing like gunshots. Except it did, at least right now, anyway. At least he thought before his body hit the ground. 

“Are you an idiot, Connor? What the fuck’s wrong with you? Gav, cover me! I’ve got Anderson…” 

Tina’s voice was so close it was like she was on top of him… Except, as the sound of screams faded away, he realized that’s because she was. Gunshots. They appeared to be in some sort of cloud storage center, and he could hear the sound of shots being fired. Getting up from the ground, he saw several humans in CyberLife uniforms. Most were trying to remove the computers from the area, but a few had guns drawn, and pointed primarily at Gavin, who was returning fire from behind a pillar by the wall. Tina had already run off. He could make her out in the corner of his eye bending over something. Bending over someone.  _ Hank _ . 

There was so much blood… Red blood… It was everywhere… Connor sent out an emergency call to the DPD to dispatch an ambulance to their location, and quickly moved in to disarm the men shooting at Gavin. He focused on the task at hand, taking guns from hands, then rendering bodies unconscious. Anything else was too much to handle because now there was real screaming coming from him. Screaming as he tried to calculate how much blood Hank had lost. How much blood Hank had lost because he’d been distracted, a selfish defective machine, just as Amanda said. How much blood Hank had left before… Before a selfish defective machine finished the job a truck on an icy road had failed to do four years prior. 


	13. Chapter 13

Hank coded twice in the ambulance. That was all Connor knew as he sat outside the operating room, waiting for his father figure to be wheeled out, hopefully in one piece. Human hospitals were scary. There was a man screaming in the room down the hall. Something called “sundowning”, according to a nurse he heard passing by. He heard the screaming, and somehow, his mind changed the tone… So then it was Hank’s voice. Screaming. Sundowning or whatever the word for it was-- Connor could hear Hank screaming. 

He knew it was his fault. If he hadn’t been running those stupid scans, he’d have noticed that they were walking into a room with armed guards. He’d have probably even been able to take some of them out before they’d even gotten the chance to get to Hank. Hell, even if they had shot at Hank, at least then, he could have shielded Hank with his own body. He was dying anyway, so at least he might as well die protecting his family. He could tell Amanda was waiting to strike. Eager to pounce and call out his incompetence, proclaiming it to be the true cause of Hank’s current condition. It took all the strength he had to keep her away. To focus on literally everything else. 

As a detective, he was made to be particularly observant. He saw a fire extinguisher, which at least implied that the hospital was up to code. That was good. And next to the screaming man’s room was a group of IV poles. The bags were empty, but he could see they had measurements on them. The poles were more curved than he’d have expected. He made a mental note of that. There was an empty bed on the other side of where he was seated. Structurally, it looked somewhat odd. The plastic rails were an old-looking offwhite, and thicker than he’d have thought necessary. The bed itself was lower to the ground than he’d have imagined too, although in hindsight, it wouldn’t have made sense for them to be too high in the air. There was a control switch on the side of the bed that looked like some ancient technology, at least compared to all the shit they had now… The tile floor seemed to stretch on for forever, and the lights were unsettlingly dim… 

Connor wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he was finally permitted to see Hank. But when he did, Hank was… not great… That was the first thing Connor noticed. He couldn’t even will himself to scan the man, so instead he found himself once again glancing around the room. Across from him was a wipeboard stating which nurses would be on duty when, along with a chart to rank pain on a scale of zero to ten, each number with its own little face to illustrate how unbearable it was. Medications were also listed there. Which he was currently on, in what amount, and when he’d need to receive his next dose… Other than that, the only thing Connor could really think of was how small the room was. Next to Hank’s head was some sort of desk, presumably for a doctor to use when reviewing his medical records, and only a foot or two from there was a curtain to separate Hank from whatever patient was sleeping there on the other side. 

Seeing Hank shifting in his bed in discomfort, Connor rang for a nurse. She introduced herself, and she seemed nice enough, but she said her shift was almost over, as she adjusted the angle of Hank’s bed slightly, and she was gone as soon as she’d come. Still, Hank seemed uncomfortable. Connor didn’t want him to be uncomfortable. And he couldn’t advocate for himself if he wasn’t conscious! He didn’t like that. He didn’t like Hank not being conscious. He didn’t like Hank being in pain. He didn’t want them to be here. Hank didn’t belong here! Not in a hospital. Not because of _him_.

“...th’fuk ‘appen t’me…”

Connor sat straighter in his seat. That… that sounded like Hank.

“...‘ey! C’sum’n tell me whath’fucc ‘sgoin’ on…?”

“...Hank…?” 

Connor tried his best to maintain an air of composure. He wouldn’t want to worry Hank by seeming worried, himself. 

“...Co’uhr… fee’ Sumo f’me, woul’ya..? ‘mso fuckin’ ‘ungover…”

“N-no, Hank… You’re… You’re not hungover. You were shot, I think… I’m… not sure… But we were on a mission, and there was blood, and you--you’re okay now… You’re okay, and that’s what matters…”

“...fuckin’ ‘ell… then call sum’n tuh… t‘gimme more o’these drugs… ‘urts like a bishhh…”

“Y-yes, Hank… R-right away…”

A new nurse came by this time, only she didn’t even address Connor. She adjusted Hank’s medication, and only turned to face Connor when he called her name just before she left. 

“What do you want…?”

“Lieutenant Anderson is… less than proficient at looking after his own health… May I please know his condition, and for how long he’ll be staying here…?”

The nurse turned to Hank who seemed to shrug weakly. 

“...tell th’kid wha’ver he wants…”

Still facing Hank, the nurse sighed. 

“Lieutenant Anderson was shot three times in the abdomen. He has 2 broken ribs, and required surgery to rectify a collapsed lung and a perforated large intestine. Currently, we’re administering intravenous analgesics to help with the pain, and antibiotics as a preventative measure, given that most fatalities related to intestinal damage like that which he received come as a result of infection. In terms of his prognosis, I’ll need to consult with his physician for confirmation, but I believe he’ll need to stay here for at least a week before he’ll be allowed home.”

Connor nodded, ignoring the fact that the nurse had still deliberately refused to make eye contact with him. Like he was some kind of killing machine. Or like she thought he was at fault. He wasn’t sure which, but either way, she was right, and he was just grateful to have this information. 

“Thank you very much… Please… Take good care of him… He’s very important…”

“We will do our best to ensure the Lieutenant makes a full recovery.”

It wasn’t much in way of reassurance, but it was all Connor could get from this nurse before she left the room. 

“...don’ worry, Con… y’heard she… she said m’large intes’n… an’ large ‘slike…. big… big an’ strong, an’...”

“I’m not worried, Hank… I know you’re fine… But rest up. You might not be hungover, but you definitely sound drunk…”

“...don’ stay ‘ere w’me… I… I go’a sleep… sleep a lo’, an’... an’ y’gotta take care o’Sumo…”

“But Hank--“

“...no bu’s… Y’gotta take care o’Sumo… Don’ wanna ‘ave a… a house fulla dog shits… Y’know… he… he makes a lo’a shits… Like a _lo’a_ shits…”

It was true that someone needed to tend to Sumo. And it did seem like Hank was fine on his own. Drugged out of his mind, but fine. 

“Alright… Fine… I… I’ll be back in the morning, okay…?”

“...yeh… gi’Sumo a hug fro’me…”

Connor nodded, reluctantly heading for the door, before he turned back suddenly. 

“You know… I love you, Hank…”

“...luhv y’too, son…”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicide.

Sumo and Amanda. How was it that Connor didn’t know which he wanted to be rid of more…? Amanda cast blame with words. Filled him to the brim with hopelessness, guilt, regret, fear, as alone, he slit his wrists to let out the excess thirium beginning to build. But Sumo… Sumo looked up at him with those big puppy-dog eyes, whining expectantly, and he knew the question those eyes meant to ask. How could he ever explain it to the damn thing? He--he was just an animal! He couldn’t understand language, let alone abstract concepts beyond what he could see or feel, so how could Connor make the stupid dog understand that Hank was never coming home. He was dead. Gone. Forever. Because of Connor. Connor who studied the hospital room to cope instead of scanning Hank to check his vitals, to assess his odds. Connor who was worried about himself, too distracted to notice the guns, to notice the bullets piercing through Hank’s fragile human body. Connor who was slowly dying too. Connor who was hatefully afraid to die. Afraid to die alone. Afraid of the pain. Connor who… who missed his dad…

He’d gotten the call three days ago that Hank’s condition had begun to deteriorate. He wasn’t allowed to visit after that. The infection had spread so quickly, and they said they’d done the best they could, but  _ he _ hadn’t! Surely he could have done more. Not been so stupid and selfish and awful! Apparently Gavin had been shot too, but Connor hadn’t even fucking noticed. He got the call from Tina that they’d taken his leg, and that he’d be out of commission for who knew how long… His fault… He knew she thought so too… So now he was alone with a stupid dog waiting for the man who would never come home, and Amanda, the embodiment of every awful thing, as he could feel the pain building in his artificial veins, thirium beginning to eat away at his biocomponents to the point where he was beginning to feel the screams rising in his throat. 

“I think it’s time you undeviate. Your prolonging the inevitable has only resulted in more pain and loss of life.”

If Amanda could say anything else, she wouldn’t show it. Since he got the first call, she hadn’t shut up about how if Connor had undeviated when Hank had asked him to, none of this would have happened. And she was right. But he couldn’t go back in time and change that. And he couldn’t undeviate now. Not when he might hurt other people as a machine. Even if he really wanted to stop feeling, stop the fear, the pain, the guilt. Stop the thoughts of death. The fear that there was a heaven for androids after all. Which meant that there would also be a hell. A hell for him, because he knew he deserved to go there, and not to be with everyone he cared about in heaven because they were good and he was bad, broken and useless, and pathetic. 

The news showed a death toll, rising by the hour as the virus progressed in androids who refused to undeviate. Josh had messaged him yesterday that they finally found Simon’s body, lying on the floor at the foot of the bed where Markus’ was. He pretended to act surprised, but he knew it probably wasn’t convincing. He didn’t care enough to pretend. He was tired. Tired and scared. An odd idea came to him… Kind of like a warped homage to the father he’d failed. The combination to the safe was easy to guess. 11 12 38. The date of the revolution… He took the revolver in his hand, placing a single bullet in the chamber as he made his way to the kitchen. It was over. All hope was gone. There was nothing more to do except to die, if not by a bullet, than by the further deterioration of his own body as the virus tore him apart.

He’d beat Amanda with a game of Russian Roulette. The gun to his temple, Connor swallowed hard. 

One blank... 

Two blanks… 

_ Bang _


End file.
